Hi Betsy
I am going to weigh in on this a little. The date you have for Abisha's death is the date his father John died. I have Abisha as died January 29, 1868 in St. Joseph, Missouri. (No Proof) His son Ulysses stated on an application for pension dated Dec. 18, 1890 that his father died Feburary (no day) 1868. (He was obviously generalizing) There is no mention of a Julia Ann Frakes in Abisha's pension records.

In a claimant's affidavit by Ulysses dated 1891 he states that his father died a few days after he left Indiana to go to Missouri but he doesn't give a year. (dead end here)

I have a Julia Ann Frakes as married to Ira B. Marshall first and then to James Walker Shipman. I have this Julia as born 5-23-1853 in Lawrence Co. Missouri and in the 1860 Perry Co. In. census with BM Esarey.

This is a source for the headstone. Also note the different death date
Abishai Frakes, a private in H Company 4th Regiment Iowa Infantry is buried in a cemetery in Laclede, Missouri. He died Jan ?, 1869. His headstone was supplied by Sheldon and Sons, West Rutland, Vermont on contract dated August 21, 1888.
[Source: Card records of headstones provided for deceased Union Civil War veterans, 1878-1903, M1845, roll 7.]
George