"They hated being told what to do."

Good point. That is why they chose to secede. They did not wish to have someone else telling them what they had to do.

That is the very opposite of a Military society which requires an almost total obedence to rules and orders and chains of command with those higher up the chain making the decisions for all the rest.

The South was not a military society. But we do have a long history of military tradition in the spirit of citizen soldier, who fights when he has to and then goes home to enjoy the freedom he has won for himself, even today.