In most cases, those who had family that fought on both sides simply didn't speak of it, at least in front of kids. My g-granduncle, George Garrett had seven brothers who fought in the Confederacy. His wife my g-grandaunt had a father, grandfather and three uncles who fought in TN Unionist regiments. They would eventually divorce (wonder why?). As a rule though, those who had family on both sides simply didn't speak about it in public. My Russian ancestor who came here was in an Ohio Home Guard unit. He wasn't really that old but was broken up from fighting in the Crimean War. The rest of my ancestors were from the South. I didn't even know I had ancestors in TN Unionist Regiments until I was in my forties...found out by my own research. I had simply assumed that they were all with GA Infantry Regiments CSA. So you can see that it wasn't brought up much.
Cump.