I know what you mean. My family was also on both sides of the war. I often wonder what my maternal great-grandmothers father,a Confederate veteran from Bentonville, Ark., thought about her marrying the son of one of Grant's staff officers. How strong did feeling run? Two of the Oakley brothers from Bentonville didn't talk to each other for 25 years because one voted for a Republican after the late unpleasantness! Incidentally, my aunts name is Eugela (Cherokee) from the Ark side of the family.