This is a long shot, I have compiled a list of Confederate soldiers who settled in the Reno/Carson City/Virginia City areas of Nevada post war.
Of interest is one VMI cadet by name of Otey. Wonder if this may be a brother of the lady mentioned.
Otay, William Newton Mercer, born April 15, 1842 in Columbia, Maury Co., Tennessee, Lieut, Co. [?] 1st Rockbridge Light Artillery Regiment, Virginia 17 August 1862 at Pvt., appointed 1st Lt. October 10, 1862 in Signal Corps., assigned January 1, 1863 as AAG on Gen. Polk's staff, assigned May 12, 1864 to staff of Gen. Forrest until war's end, graduate of the Virginia Military Institute [class of 1863?], post war entered mercantile business in Memphis, Tenn., came to San Francisco, California in 1872 working as book-keeper and cashier of the San Francisco Chronicle, later book-keeper for the firm of Wm. T. Coleman & Co. for three years, married Miss Geraldine Groger June 22,1876, relocated to Virginia City, Nevada July 1878 occupying the position of Secretary for the Yellow Jacket Mining Co., a son was born March 12,1880 and another on October 2, 1881, both in Gold Hill, candidate for County Treasurer September 1881 [History of Nevada 1881 and Biographical Sketches of its Prominent Men and Pioneers, Howell-North, Berkeley, California 1958, Ancestry.com American Civil War Soldiers, Territory Enterprise]